…
This time last year my life was disintegrating.
My company, my health, my relationship.
I felt completely, and utterly lost.
Like I was untethered, floating in space. And not in a good way.
I couldn’t locate passion.
I was disconnected from my purpose.
My spark was gone and I couldn’t fathom how I was going to get it back.
It was the first time in my life that I wanted to give up on everything I’ve worked so hard for.
I remember looking in the mirror and having no idea who was staring back at me.
And wondering how, in my mid-thirties, I could be such a stranger to myself.
With the judgmental voice repeating in my head: how could you let it get this bad?
The only thing I felt like I was doing well was my morning walk around the lake in Central Park.
It didn’t matter if it was 50 degrees or 5, I would bundle up and just start walking.
I think I liked when it was cold, because numbness was what I was going for.
Every day I stopped to sit on a bench and watched as people hustled by.
Wondering if they ever felt time evaporating like I did in this moment.
Wondering if they ever questioned who they were.
Wondering if they felt happy.